Recent research into Santa's chromosomal make-up has revealed somewhat
of science received a gigantic boost when it was finally realised that
instead of wasting time thinking about a sleigh breaking the sound barrier,
why we don't hear sonic booms and how Santa can physically carry so
many toys, that the more fruitful route was to investigate and discover
the actual source of Christmas Magic.
This has met with some scepticism from
a few sourpuss scientists and others who enjoyed disappointing small
children with "hard facts". Ultimately we hope that they may come to
understand the significance of Christmas Magic - gene therapy
has been mooted for some of the more recalcitrant individuals.
As we all know, the DNA that carries
the plan to make an entire you is contained in the nucleus of each body
cell (billions of them) and arranged in structures called chromosomes.
Chromosomes usually hang around in pairs and most people have 23 pairs.
Santa has a similar genetic make-up to everyone else, except that
he has 3 extra chromosomes - this is known as Trisomy 25 - (for
the 25th of December).
extra chromosomes are uniquely shaped and can be easily identified in
a karyotype (picture of all the chromosomes) of Santa taken from a hair
follicle found besides the remains of a mince-pie last December 24th
2005 (credit - Mr. Precious Mtungi from Old Town, Mombasa, Kenya for
The unusual shape of the chromosomes is in large
part responsible for Santa's unique form of magic, especially the third
Further evidence has come to light that shows that
the reindeer have one of these chromosome 25's (faecal sample found
and analysed quickly by a special fixation procedure in a mixture of
egg nog and punch (credit - Anuradha Patel, Nilambur, Kerala, India).
Finally another DNA sample derived from another hair follicle found
inside a hand-knitted woolly hat is thought to have come from one of
Santa's elves when he was trying it on after Mrs. Claus had knitted
it (credit - Brendan McNamara in Portnescully, Co. Kerry, Ireland)
Thus the following picture has been assembled:
1/ The first of the chromosome
25's known as the "Holly Homolog"
- it is curiously shaped akin
to a holly leaf, with telomeres that increasingly resemble holly berries
2/ The second form of chromosome
25 is known as the "Redemption of Scrooge Homolog" - it resembles,
as some say a generously sized turkey, though any similarity is regarded
by the scientific community as fanciful.
3/ The third and most mysterious
of the three chromosome 25 homologues is called the "Angel of Christmas
Homolog" - it is oddly formed, but of course doesn't look like the
fairy on anybody's Christmas Tree as that would be daft.